Biblical Referenes for Mourning Customs

There are several references throughout the Bible to periods of mourning lasting for specified periods of time:

Genesis 50:7-10

⁷ So Joseph went up to bury his father. With him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of his household, and all the elders of the land of Egypt, ⁸ as well as all the household of Joseph, his brothers, and his father's household. Only their children, their flocks, and their herds were left in the land of Goshen. ⁹ And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen. It was a very great company. ¹⁰ When they came to the threshing floor of Atad, which is beyond the Jordan, they lamented there with a very great and grievous lamentation, and he made a mourning for his father seven days.

Numbers 20:29

²⁹ And when all the congregation saw that Aaron had perished, all the house of Israel wept for Aaron thirty days.

Deuteronomy 34:7-8

⁷ Moses was 120 years old when he died. His eye was undimmed, and his vigor unabated. ⁸ And the people of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days. Then the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended.

1 Samuel 31:13

¹³ And they took their bones and buried them under the tamarisk tree in Jabesh and fasted seven days.

There are also many, many references to the tearing of clothes, wearing sackcloth, going barefoot, and covering the head. These are too numerous to quote here. See this website: 100 Bible Verses About Mourning.

Stages of Jewish Mourning

The Jewish process of mourning involves 4 to 5 specific steps that guide the bereaved through the first days, months and years following a significant loss:

1. Aninut - From the death through the burial, this is a time for burial preparations to be made, for candles to be lit and for mourners to sit with the body until the burial is complete. Once the burial is finished, the community serves the family a condolence meal, not to be shared with the community.

2. Aveilut - After the burial is complete, those family members for whom the death was of a parent, spouse, sibling, or child have a period of 7 days called shiva. During these days, the bereaved will not work, leave the house, wear shoes, or bathe. They will sit on low stools and cover the mirrors in their houses. The community comes to visit them, brings food, and participates in the recitation of the Kaddish prayer.

The recitation of Kaddish requires a minyan (a gathering of 10 people). This keeps those in mourning from isolating themselves from the community, and the community is continually called upon to be aware of those who are mourning.

Interestingly, the Kaddish prayer is not so much a prayer of grief and mourning, but a prayer acknowledging the greatness of God:

Exalted and sanctified is God's great Name (Amen)
in the world which He has created according to His will,
and may He establish His kingdom in your lifetime
and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel,
speedily and soon; and say, Amen. (Amen)
May His great Name be blessed forever and for all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled
and honored, elevated and lauded be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He,
beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations
that are uttered in the world; and say, Amen. (Amen)
May there be great peace from heaven, and life, for us
and for all Israel; and say, Amen. (Amen)
May He who makes peace in His high places make peace within us
and for all Israel, and say ye: Amen (Amen)

It is thought that during this time mourners need a reminder of God's sovereignty and those reminder will bring comfort.  (For more on Kaddish, visit Hebrew For Christians - Mourner's Kaddish.)

3. Sheloshim - For 30 days from the day of the burial (for the 7 above mentioned relatives), mourners leave the house for work or other necessary errands, but they do not participate in festive gatherings, listen to music, or cut their hair. They continue to recite Kaddish daily.

4. Shanah - For 11 months from the time of burial for those who have lost a parent, the bereaved continues to avoid celebrations and to recite Kaddish daily.

5. Yahrzeit - The anniversary of the death date is observed annually with the lighting of a candle and the recitation of Kaddish. The loved one, who has died, is also remembered with the lighting of a candle on the afternoon before Yom Kippur, the last day of Passover, the last day of Shavuot, and the day following Sukkot.

(More info on the stages of mourning can be found at: aish.com and  Judaism 101.)

Mourning in Community - Questions for Reflection & Suggested Activity

An article summarizing Lauren Winner's discussion on Jewish Mourning practices can be found here: Mourning in Community.

In Winner's perspective, the church has lost the sense of community and communal practice that is essential in Judaism, and one of the places where this is most evident is in "the way Christians mourn:"

Winner's upbringing has led her to value communal practices, which are integral to Judaism but have largely been lost in translation to Christianity, where religious practice has moved from being communal (in Israel) to being philosophical (in Greece), institutional (in Rome), cultural (in Europe), and now to being corporate (in North America). In her writing, Winner has established a pattern of diagnosing Christian isolationism: what others do in community, we try to do alone. One of the strongest such examples is her vision of the way Christians mourn.

...

Later, Winner says that mourning “is never easy, but it is better done inside a communal grammar of bereavement” (28). Christianity, living as it does on this side of Easter, often fails to provide an honest and accurate assessment of the cruelness of death and loss. So Winner turns instead to the grammar of Judaism, which lives in between death and resurrection.

These questions for reflection are taken from the longer chapter by chapter study guide:

When was the last time you were at a funeral, who was there, and what you were aware of when you were there?

How were you taught to mourn? Is mourning a private process or a community pilgrimage?

When was the last time you, personally, had to mourn? How long did you let yourself mourn? How long did the community give you permission to mourn?

Who is mourning around you now? What does it mean to mourn with them?

Suggested activity:

Read Psalm 77 a few times - aloud and silently. Consider writing your own personal lament. You may want to lament something personally in your life or something globally. You could lament a death, a broken relationship, a natural disaster, a current event disaster.