God in the Struggle

I found this lovely sermon by Maren Sonstegard-Spray from First Presbyterian Church in Winchester, Virginia: "Struggle and Change," on the topic of the presence of God "in the dark." So often, when we do the work of identifying family generational patterns, we find ourselves pressed up against the Wall of darkness and pain that Peter Scazzero describes in his book. Sonstegard-Spray speaks to how our moments of emotional darkness often surface in those vulnerable moments of literal, physical darkness, when we are quiet and alone. 

Awake, in the dark, I can tell you that I am not alone.  In the dark I wrestle my small worries and big fears, in the dark I meet good memories and painful regrets, in the dark old wounds are opened up again, in the dark I make lists of should dos and should have dones. 

Fortunately, awake, in the dark, there is also prayer and God.

Fortunately. ...And also: 

...we get a different picture of God’s character in the dark night of the soul.  There God is in the struggle and is the struggle.  There God doesn’t give easy answers, but God is still there. 

When God gives Jacob a new name, Israel, the beauty of the Hebrew is that it can read as “the one who struggles with God” or “God struggles.”

Family Genogram Resources & Peter Scazzero Sermon Links

Check out this free resource on the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality website: Genogram Your Family: 

This FREE resource includes a downloadable Genogram Your Family worksheet along with a video training from Emotionally Healthy Skills 2.0.

Also, if you'd like to check out sermons by Peter Scazzero, several are available on the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality website here: http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/tools/sermons/.

Breaking Generational Cycles and Patterns

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality gives us a jumping-off point for discussing and thinking about how to break the generational patterns that hold us captive. The foremost tool presented by Peter Scazzero in chapter 4 is the genogram, which is a type of family tree that focuses on relationship and behavior patterns. The genogram helps to bring the patterns into our awareness so that we can do the work of changing them. Scazerro mentions in the final paragraphs of chapter 4 the importance of not doing all the work alone:

"Going back in order to go forward is something we must do in the context of community - with mature friends, a mentor, spiritual director, counselor or therapist."

Significantly, the tools Scazzero mentions are the very things supported by research: becoming aware of the patterns, finding support, and getting help when necessary. From an abstract online regarding a study of Breaking the Intergenerational Transmission of Child Abuse: 

Non-abusers have several factors in common. For instance: they have extensive emotional and social support from significant others. They are aware of what happened to them as children and are openly angry about their abuse. And many of them received (psycho)therapy as adolescents or young adults. 

And here's a very forthright article from Psychology Today by psychiatrist David Allen about finding that healthy place of differentiation where we deal with family problems, rather than cutting people off, telling them off, stuffing it down: "Stop Running Away From Your Family Problems." I especially appreciate his honesty about the difficulty of facing the truth about our families...and his encouragement that we can do it:

When you talk about the relationships that make you depressed and anxious, there is no way to avoid temporarily feeling even more depressed and more anxious. I wish I knew a way around that, but I do not. I do know that most of you can take it. You are more resilient than you think.

Many similar tools for breaking generational cycles are repeated in this article: 8 Steps to Break a Cycle of Family Dysfunction by Tim Sanford, a professional counselor and Christian. I especially love Step 8, which is such an exhale of relief after reading up on the pain of dealing with unhealthy generational patterns:

8. Be patient with yourself and others. Patience is one of the functional ways of dealing with the world.

"But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children—with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts" (Psalm 103:17, emphasis added).

You're not condemned to repeat how your parents parented. You don't have to be a 25-year veteran of healthy living before you pass functional relationship patterns on to the next generation. All you need to be is one step ahead of where they are.

It takes one generation to turn the tide from God's punishment to one of God's love being passed down. That's all — just one. Start here. Start now. It's never too late to move from dysfunction to function. Never.

Beth Moore on Generational Sin

In light of our conversation this past week about the family patterns come down through the generations, I thought I'd pass on this article by a familiar voice, Beth Moore: "Is There a Generational Curse for Sin?" From the article:

Exodus 20:5 says, "You shall not bow down to [idols] or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me."

The word punishing in this verse proves a stumbling block for some people. The King James Version translates this as visiting, which is more reflective of the original Hebrew word paqadh, meaning to inspect, review, number, deposit, or visit in the sense of making a call. It's also used for taking a census.

 Click the title of the article above to read the whole thing.

The Daily Office, Contemplative Spirituality, and Fixed Hour Prayer

For the past several weeks I have been reading from Day By Day by Peter Scazzero at the start of each of our Morning Blend sessions. This is a devotional or daily "office" book written by Scazzero to assist the reader in practicing contemplative spirituality in a rhythmic, twice-a-day manner. To hear more about the premise of this book, you can watch Scazzero's video introduction here:

If you like the idea of introducing this ancient Christian practice into your own life and want to check out more resources, you might take a look at some of the works of Phyllis Tickle, who was a speaker in the Animate: Bible series we studied a few years ago. You can read several excerpts from her book and read more about Daily Offices/Divine Hours by following this link: The Divine Hours.  Tickle includes an article on her own website, About Fixed Hour Prayer, where she also recommends a book by Shane Claiborne, who is part of the Animate: Practices series that we may be studying in the spring. On his website, you can find daily prayers online: Common Prayer.

Video Introduction to Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

The video repeats a fair amount of what you'll find in the book, but if you're looking for an audio-visual intro to the study, here it is!!

Who is Peter Scazzero?

Our upcoming study, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality is by Peter Scazzero:

Pete Scazzero is the Founder of New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, NYC, a large, multiracial, international church with seventy-three countries represented. After serving as Senior Pastor for twenty-six years, Pete now serves as a Teaching Pastor/Pastor at Large. He is the author of two best-selling books: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and The Emotionally Healthy Church (Zondervan, 2010) and most recently released The Emotionally Healthy Leader (Zondervan, 2015). He is also the author of The EHS Course (Zondervan, 2014) and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day (Zondervan, 2013).

Pete and his wife Geri are the founders of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, a groundbreaking ministry that equips churches in a deep, beneath-the-surface spiritual formation paradigm that integrates emotional health and contemplative spirituality. They have four lovely daughters.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

What's brewing at Morning Blend? Starting September 9th, we will be studying Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, an 8-session series by Peter Scazzero. A synopsis from the website says this,

Pete Scazzero learned the hard way: you can’t be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Even though he was a pastor of a growing church, he did what most people do:

• Avoid conflict in the name of Christianity
• Ignore his anger, sadness, and fear
• Use God to run from God
• Live without boundaries

Eventually God awakened him to a biblical integration of emotional health, a relationship with Jesus, and the classic practices of contemplative spirituality. It created nothing short of a spiritual revolution, utterly transforming him and his church.

In this best-selling book Pete Scazzero outlines his journey and the signs of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. Then he provides seven biblical, reality-tested ways to break through to the revolutionary life Christ meant for you. “The combination of emotional health and contemplative spirituality,” he says, “unleashes the Holy Spirit inside us so that we might experientially know the power of an authentic life in Christ.”

It's a new year! We're looking forward to being challenged to learn and grow!

Young Adults, Megachurches, and Meaning

Last week we discussed the third session of Ray Vander Laan's series, Dust of the Rabbi, and we had a conversation about how young people, especially young adults, feel lost in the current church culture. We talked about megachurches and the various technologies that churches are using to draw the younger generation...and how that fits into the context of making disciples. We talked a little about what we imagine the church "should" be and what it might have been at its beginning.

Coincidentally, I found that Rachel Held-Evans was on Minnestoa Public Radio speaking about this very topic just the day before our conversation! If you were with us at Morning Blend last year, you will recognize Rachel Held-Evans. She was part of the Animate:Bible series that we studied (see more about her by clicking her name in the right sidebar). You can hear the 11 minute podcast or read the transcript here: Where Church Goes Wrong for Many Millennials.

The MPR interview resulted from an article that Rachel Held-Evans wrote, which was featured in the Washington Post: Want Millennials Back in the Pews? Stop Trying to Make Church 'Cool.' Evan points out:

"According to the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, among those of us who came of age around the year 2000, a solid quarter claim no religious affiliation at all..."

The church has responded by...

 "...focusing on style points: cooler bands, hipper worship, edgier programming, impressive technology." 

However,

"Recent research from Barna Group and the Cornerstone Knowledge Network found that 67 percent of millennials prefer a “classic” church over a “trendy” one, and 77 percent would choose a “sanctuary” over an “auditorium.”

And, perhaps, my favorite quote from the whole article:

"You can get a cup of coffee with your friends anywhere, but church is the only place you can get ashes smudged on your forehead as a reminder of your mortality. You can be dazzled by a light show at a concert on any given weekend, but church is the only place that fills a sanctuary with candlelight and hymns on Christmas Eve. You can snag all sorts of free swag for brand loyalty online, but church is the only place where you are named a beloved child of God with a cold plunge into the water. You can share food with the hungry at any homeless shelter, but only the church teaches that a shared meal brings us into the very presence of God. "

 I highly recommend checking out both the article and the podcast. Enjoy!

Dust of the Rabbi - Additional Resources

Ray Vander Laan has an excellent website with additional articles about the people and places mentioned in the study. You can browse through addtional articles on this page:

https://www.thattheworldmayknow.com/in-the-dust-of-the-rabbi